The genuine dream interpreter

Disclaimer: do not believe everything you read in here; come to think of it, do not believe anything.

Last night I dream of fireworks that were crashing like bombs in the night while a train, deviated from its track, entered a clothes shop where I was being annoyed by a weird individual. I realized I have to save my sorry *** but I froze while hoping for a miracle to save me. Such a subtle thing my brain. Am telling you, when I say that I am me and myself, I am NOT quoting song titles! Is reality. There is always a discussion, a debate, a preaching, a push or pull up or down game that takes place inside. Consciously or not. Like this dream right here. A prefect example of an unconscious metaphoric lesson.
Obviously the myself was telling me that:
1. not all the pretty things/persons are good (fireworks transforming in bombs)
2. life is not a constant and certainly not predictable (train deviated from its track)
3. get it once and for all: you exercise attraction over all sorts of weirdos be IT(yes!) man or woman (me being bugged by a freaking weirdo)
4. in difficult and/or dangerous situations I freeze and hope for a miracle; boys and girls don't do this at home: is ******* dangerous! (me freezing while the deviated train is about to hit me)
5. as long as I don't get and change my attitude towards all these things, it will be tough and confusing(night)
I now know, cause I watched and learned:



I heart symbolism *grin*

Test: uploading a youtube video

I do did done it! Hooray!!!

This song reminds me of you. Every time I miss you, I listen to it. Can you imagine how many times I've done that?

V D O

If you are my type of individual and you're having your more than usual depressive and depressing evening, locked inside, in front of the pc, sipping water cause you quit coke (eventhough you kind of had a glass last Friday... ok and 1 on Sunday but you don't really know me so I don't have to pretend am all cool and brisk) and munching an apple cause you quit cigs (and no, I haven't had any since then), while brainstorming for the nth time with your other selves on how this life sucks and what a victim of the cruel chance you are, then you most likely need a brake from all that gloominess.

This would cheer you up: open browser>youtube>no reservations-saudi arabia in the search box>enter>choose 1 of 5>watch>then chose the following parts>enjoy. I did. Not your average Saudi Arabia presentation.

I am what I am

When you told me, it was as if the world crashed down on my head. I was completely dumbfounded; and still am. It is with much effort that I gather now my thoughts and write them down hoping this will help me digest everything and find a solution.

Not only I could not believe my ears but I couldn't believe the way you said 3 as if it were 3 days or 3 months. I didn't see this coming; I expected you to start laughing and tell me you were joking. That didn't happen. I, then, expected you to realize just what your words really mean (at least to me if not to you) but no, that didn't happen also. Then, (and, for this, I won't ever again accept and take for granted people calling me a pessimist; how can you be a pessimist while trying to make things work? While hurting others while trying to make things work? While suffering while hurting others while trying to make things work? HOW, ON GOD'S NAME, CAN THAT BE CALLED PESSIMISM? What is then optimism? Hoping to do something? While nothing is really done?)  I wanted you to tell me that this is how you thought of it but that you are willing to accept anything else as long as it might work. You didn't. I told you I felt like I was waking up from a dream (if what I had till then can be called a dream) only to find myself in a nightmare.

At least I know now where I stand, where you stand and where us is. Despite this crash-boom-bang of sorts, I do prefer an ugly truth instead of a pretty lill lie. My mistake, again; (is it really always my fault? If not, why am I always the one apologizing?) I should have brought this up earlier since it is of utmost importance to me; to us, eventually. Why do people presume???? If I could change anything right now, I'd disable the ability of the world to presume.

Anyway, I cannot, wish not and will not wait for another 3 years. At least if we could be sure of the outcome... I waited enough, I hoped enough, I tried too much and way too long to understand the many whys behind the happenings and given situations, I wasted my best, let's not say for nothing (because I did learn something out of it, because I do love you more everyday) but, I can honestly say, for the same results which bring me back to the starting point. I've been running in circles.

How have you been?

I know that when is about 2 you don't start sentences with I but it seems that not only we don't know what we want but we don't know what the other wants also. That's why am resuming to the hateful I, because I obviously have difficulties handling and understanding the vastness of the self not to mention the endless of the us or we. I wish I could do your part too, but with some things is absolutely impossible.

I don't know what you want anymore, I still don't know what I want but I am sure of what I don't want:

• I don't want a life without you
• I don't want to give anything up
• I don't want to be a loser
• I don't want anything else except the things I want
• I don't want to wait for yet 3 more years

Either I am too hazardous and irrational or you are too weak. Or both. Or none.

In the end, does it really matter? Not as long as the result is the same.

We are what we are: not only endlessly apart but also utterly confused